


Opened Eyes

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 08:52:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3321353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is happy because Severus loves him for who he is. But does he? Severus wants to believe that Harry's only a replacement, but is he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Opened Eyes

Harry was never wanted before Severus. Surely, Hermione and Ron are his friends; but they would be just fine without him. He has Remus and Sirius too, but sometimes Harry thinks they still expect him to be another James - what he is not. The Weasley clan is sort of a family too, but just like Ron and Hermione, they have each other. Severus don't, and Severus loves him for who he is: simply Harry - even though he'd hated him before...

Sometimes Harry thinks that it is a bit selfish to be happy that Severus needs him as much as he needs Severus. Right, it is a lot selfish, Harry reckons. But they love each other, so it is fine, isn't it?

Harry thinks that he would have gone mad if not for Severus. Voldemort raising in power, killing people and making him watch; summers with the Dursleys that completely made him feel like shit. He wonders who hates him more: the mad psychopath or his relatives. At least Voldemort only wants to kill him. Uncle Vernon does... Other things.

He reckons Severus knows what happens at the Dursleys, that he knows just how bad it really is. They never talk about this, though, and Harry is glad for that. Because when he is in those strong arms he is safe, even from his terrible memories.

Harry remembers the first time Severus said 'I love you.'

They had just made love, and Harry had his eyes closed, trying to regain his breath.

"I love you," he said and regretted half second later. Severus would think he was just a silly teenager... But then his lover whispered for him to open his eyes. And Harry did. Those two dark orbs stared at him, at his eyes, as though they could see his very soul and then he said 'I love you'.

Harry slept with a shy smile on his lips.

~ . ~

Harry wants to cry, to disappear, to die... He wants to cease to exist.

Severus is asleep, and the young man doubts the older one even realized what he'd said.

A minute or two before they were making love, and it was sublime, perfect as always. Except for the end.

Severus had called him 'Lily' when he came.

Now everything makes sense. Why Severus could only tell him soft things while staring at his eyes. Why he asked -  _demanded_  - Harry to open his eyes while he thrusted inside him.

'You look a lot like James, Harry, except for your eyes, that are exactly like Lily's.' sounded Sirius' voice on his mind.

Severus didn't love him for who he was. He didn't love him at all.

Harry allows himself to cry until he sleeps.

~ . ~

In the morning after Harry puts a photo of his mother and father on the bed. He writes on its back 'she didn't love you' and then he leaves.

Because he wants Snape to know that nobody will love him again.

Harry can overcome this, he is sure. He doesn't need to be loved, for now he can't love too.


	2. Morning Revelation

**Morning Revelation**

Severus awakes and feels that something is different on that morning - maybe wrong. The left side of the bed - Harry's side - is cold. Harry usually wakes after him, so it is weird that he is not still in bed.

He calls for Harry, but there is no answer. He frowns and opens his eyes. Severus looks at the bed and then he sees it.

A picture of beautiful Lily Evans with James Potter. What would that picture be doing there?

His hand ghosts over the photo, longing in Lily's face. She is smiling and looking with undebiable love inside those two emerald orbs. But she is looking at Potter.

Severus sighs. Why did Harry leave that photo there?

He takes the thing in his hands and turns it over. His breath stops for some seconds.

"She didn't love you."

And that is Harry's handwriting.

How did Harry find out about Lily? Was it Black or Lupin who told him that?

And was the man playing with Severus' feelings all along? It would just be something that James Potter's son would do. Cruel, hurtful.

But something is amiss, and Severus knows this. Harry is a Gryffindor that wears his heart on his sleeve, he couldn't have fooled him for so much time. Harry really liked - daresay loved - Severus. So what changed?

He decided to watch his moments with Harry in the last week in the pensieve to find out what happened.

At first the memories are all normal. They talk with each other, kiss... He always looking for Harry's eyes. They are so beautiful, so much like hers. And it is so good to have love shining in that green orbs, love towards him.

And then, in the last memory he finds out.

He had called Harry by her name.

The Severus in the memory did not even acknowledge that, but Harry did.

Harry stood there, frozen, his eyes began to shine with unpoured tears. And then the memory ended, because he, Severus, had slept.

Severus doesn't know what to think.

Yes, he always looked at Harry's eyes because they were like hers. He needed to.

Oh Merlin. He had thought that Harry was playing with him when the truth was the absolute opposite.


	3. The Void

It has been three weeks since Harry is gone and Severus believes he is going mad. He sleeps alone, eats alone, walks alone. Hell, he even talks alone. No more black, strong coffee accompanied by the eggs with a different taste that only Harry knows how to prepare. Now there is only coffee. No more 'good mornings'. No more nothing.

Severus is confused. Part of him wants to believe that what he is feeling - a void - is because he lost his last connection with her. Part of him, though, screams that he misses Harry.

During those three weeks he never once entered their - now only his - bedroom again. He doesn't want to face the picture, much less what he did. He doesn't want to see the empty bad. He also drinked a lot in the last weeks. The time he was sober he passed brewing.

But brew didn't help, it only made things worse, if possible. While stiring the cauldrons, cutting the ingredients and everything related he couldn't forget how Harry was bad at Potions. Damn boy - man - for making him think about that! One of his passions is now ruined.

He had loved Lily. Painfully so. And then, some sick part of him found a replacement for her. And now it is gone. Probably forever.

He never tried to contact Harry in those three weeks. What would he say?

Some weeks later he finally entered his room and looked at Harry's pillow. There were four thread's of his hair there. Severus put them in a small box in his wardrobe.

The void inside him was eating him slowly. Severus desperately tries to say that Harry was only a replacement. Yes, only that.

Somewhere within - his masochist part - there's a voice telling Snape that he loves Harry, and that he had never noticed it and that now it is too late.

Too late.

He begins to brew another potion. One that will placate that void. His rational side is sneering, disgusted by the very idea. He argues with himself, telling that he needs to know if he feels something for Harry.

He wants to belive that he doesn't.


	4. Linger

Severus stares at the tombstone, he doesn't really know what to say, and the reason why he's there isn't quite clear, not even for him.

Perhaps he wants to end a chapter on his life, but not with high hopes of starting another, it's hard to say. His experience on the last night was reasonably convincing about what his wishes are.

He has only one wish.

It has been three months without Harry, time enough to understand that he indeed wanted the company of the young man that was so devoted on giving his love, that he wanted to share a life with him, not with his dead mother.

"I'm sorry Lily, I'm so sorry that I've hurt him," he said quietly. "I'm sorry for the mess I've created in your lives. I want him back, but I don't know what to do. It's so easy for me to apologize to a fucking tombstone but I can't put my pride aside for some moments and ask for his forgiveness.

"I don't even know if he would want me back..."

The wind blows unforgiving, freezing, and Severus shudders. He puts a white lily on the tombstone and the picture Harry left on that fateful day.

"This is our good bye, Lily. May you find-I know you found happiness with Potter. I understand it now."

He walks away, his black robes billowing behind him.


	5. Replacements

Severus walks into a muggle restaurant. He decided last night, at the cemetery, that he would find Harry and talk to him.

And then he sees them.

Harry Potter kissing Draco Malfoy. Harry soothing Malfoy's hair. Harry smiling to Malfoy.

Has he moved on, so?

Severus quickly walks into the bathroom and casts a glamour to disguise himself and returns, picking a table near theirs.

Nobody knew about Harry's relationship with an ex-Death Eater, but now it seems that Harry doesn't care any more about what the Prophet is going to say about his little affair with another ex-Death Eater...

Oh yes, it is a muggle restaurant, they weren't supposed to be seen.

It doesn't make Severus feel better, though.

He stands abruptly, leaving a bewildered waitress behind, and exits the restaurant.

Severus breathes heavily, recuperating from the orgasm. He looks to his side and sooths the black messy hair of the whore he paid tonight.

Was Harry trying to replace Severus? Indeed he would be an undignified replacement, but Severus would be glad if Harry was trying to do that...

Malfoy is a Slytherin too, but differently from Severus, his eyes and hair aren't dark. Is this the way Harry dealt with the mess?

He looks at his side again, just in time to see the Polyjuice wearing off, and his Harry going away. No, not his Harry, just an imperfect substitute for his perfect Gryffindor. Those green eyes did not shine with Harry's adoration and love.

No, Malfoy is not a replacement. Harry is not sick like Severus.

"You can put the mirrors back in place," Severus says abruptly, casting cleaning spells and putting his clothes back. These times in which he asks the whore to take Polyjuice he demands that no mirrors are in the room - wouldn't be good for the whole wizarding world to know that he wants to fuck their Saviour. They wouldn't understand it.

They wouldn't know that he wanted Harry back.

His Harry.

"God, I am so fucked up," he mutters under his breath as he leaves the brothel.


	6. Unforeseen Last Encounter

Harry watches Draco sleeping peacefully. It is odd that he ended up with yet another Slytherin, isn't it? Especially one that used to be his sworn enemy... But then, didn't Severus too? He sighs, trying to get the burning sensation out of his heart. Severus is his past, nothing more.

He doesn't love Draco, and doesn't try to fool himself into believing that one day he will, but he can like Malfoy. Part of him wonders if he's using Draco the way Severus used him... But he quickly puts that thought aside. Thinking about not being with  _that_  man hurts, and Harry does not want to think that Draco is everything he has in the end. How depressing. Besides, the blonde doesn't really seem to be the type of committed person. They are both fine, aren't they?

He turns his back to Draco and sleeps.

~.~

Some days later Harry receives a letter. It is not signed, but Harry knows very well that penmanship, and the way the words were written: dry, brief.

Severus wants to meet him, and he actually asked that instead of demanding things like he usually does.

Harry is uncertain of what to do, but the truth is that he wants an explanation... And at the same time he doesn't. He knew what kind of man Snape was before falling in love with him, but he chose to forget, or to believe that he'd changed. Somewhere along the way the older man had stopped being Snape to be Severus, his Severus.

But that doesn't mean that he will trust Severus ever again, and what worries Harry the most is the fact that he can't believe  _himself_  enough to go the meeting. However, he accepts, and replies some hours later, setting the encounter on their old house, since he certainly doesn't want to be seen with Severus anywhere.


	7. How The World Ends

Harry enters the house where he had been so happy until some months before, it brings him memories, mostly joyful ones and he can't help but smile fondly at the nostalgia.

"Harry!" Severus called softly and Harry turned to face him.

Severus looks... Terrible. It is odd to see him like that. Since the war the dark circles had disappeared from under his eyes, but now they are back. His hair is slightly longer than when Harry left, and perhaps he is a bit thinner.

For some seconds Harry's heart even warms at the sight, but then he remembers that Severus might be faking that, and also that it would be sadistic to feel better because the other was miserable due to his absence.

"I-We need to talk."

Harry raises an eyebrow - an expression that he's learnt to copy from Severus. "Do we?"

And Severus tries to explain, confessing that he had indeed loved Harry's mother, what makes the young wizard relive the sadness he felt on that moment, and the rage that he unleashed some hours later. There wasn't a good explanation, and Harry doesn't know why he's come.

"And what was I?" Harry asks angrily. "A replacement? A fuck toy with her eyes so you could pretend that you were sleeping with my mother? I should have known that there was more on the story for you to hate my father so much... I have his face, can you tolerate that?"

Severus looks down, feigning shame perhaps.

"I am sorry, Harry," he says quietly. "I really hope you can forgive me."

Months before that would melt Harry. Severus never apologized, and the fact that he asked for his forgiveness was... Huge.

But not enough.

"I forgive you, Severus," he said carefully after some minutes. "But this doesn't mean that I want to be with you again." It hurts to say that, but what has happened before hurt him much more... And the idea that something like that could happen again was just unbearable. To forgive is easy, but to forget isn't.

Severus mutters something bitterly under his breath, but Harry doesn't hear the words.

Harry stands up, preparing to leave, because he's afraid that a minute more here will make him change his mind.

"I am really, really sorry, Harry," and then Severus puts a hand on his shoulder, urging Harry to turn and face him. "I do love you. Obliviate!"


	8. Bliss

Harry opens his eyes and stares at Severus, who's looking at him with an odd expression. He tries to get up, but a headache almost splits his head in two.

"Easy, Harry. You have been quite unwell since our return."

Harry groans and rests his head on the pillow again. Then his memories come back to him. They have just come back from a trip to Spain. A wonderful trip, actually... Although he'd passed great part of it drunk, what makes his memories look a bit like a haze. Funny thing, because he doesn't use to drink that much.

"My head is killing me."

"It happens when you try to get up that suddenly when you are not well," Severus says with a fake disapproving voice and something cool touches Harry's lips. "For the pain."

"Thanks," Harry mutters. Some minutes later the pain is gone, thankfully.

"I think I will avoid to take you to Spain again so soon. You had quite too much fun with that liquor the Spanish elves produce."

"Oh, shut it," Harry says "I seem to remember you drinking a lot of that stuff too."

Severus scowls nd leans to give a ghost kiss on Harry's forehead. "I can tolerate alcohol way better than you."

"But I was amusing drunk, wasn't I?" Harry replies, biting his lip and eyeing Severus with a look full of ulterior intentions. "And don't try to deny it. In fact, this is one of the reasons you love me."

"Indeed," Severus said in a low voice, burying his head on Harry's neck, trailing some kisses on he sensitive skin. "That is one of the reasons why I love you."

Harry smiles, only then noticing that it was the first time Severus didn't look at his eyes to say those words. Odd.


	9. Epilogue - Through The Eyes of a Stranger

Draco Malfoy was someone who had everything he could want, of course. Except one thing...

During his last years as a student at Hogwarts he had become... Interested in Harry Potter. What was, obviously, ludicrous. Potter was handsome, of course, and powerful and rich, basically everything that Draco taught to appreciate. The fact that he was a half-blood was unimportant, even.

After the war, with his family dead and friends that parted away, he began to envy people like Potter, who were lonely but didn't seem to care - for Potter had no one in his life, certainly. Draco wanted to know how it was to be someone like that, how it felt to be around Potter.

It wasn't as though Draco loved Potter or anything like that... But, well, besides his mother Harry would be someone who Draco would perhaps try to love. He never had the chance to test this theory, though, because he never approached the Gryffindor and some years after the war Potter assumed a relationship with none other than Severus Snape.

Draco laughed when he thought that such a relationship was even more ludicrous than his and Potter's would have been.

Sometimes Draco felt something odd, though, as if someone was missing from his life, as if something had been taken from him, like a memory or a feeling.

One day he met both his former head of house and Potter on Hogsmeade. Severus acted really oddly on that day, almost as if he knew that one day Draco had mused to have something with Potter. Definitely odd, especially because Potter seemed to have eyes only for Severus - something that must be love, because Severus' looks were far from good, honestly.

Draco shook his head when Severus and Potter disappeared and entered a pub. Perhaps that odd sensation would go away with alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This is the end. Severus was a bastard, wasn't he? Funny thing because I usually like to write Snarry stories in which Harry is the wrong one... I don't know if you were expecting something different, but well, that's what the muse gave me.


End file.
